In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Disputes and disagreements arise mostly with the people we interact with regularly, such as family members, friends and colleagues.
There can be several underlying causes or reasons for disputes. It usually happens when one person unintentionally wrongs or mistreats another. At other times, someone who covets a blessing that they do not possess might feel envious of another who does, and this envy can come out in the form of bad treatment or caustic talk. Then there are personal traits and behaviors that cause conflicts e.g. it is a fact that arrogant and insecure people who suffer from low self-esteem habitually mistreat and demean others just to feel better about themselves. Many a time, it might simply just be a personality or cultural clash that can cause two people to not get along.
In all cases of dispute, it is very important for the others around the two disputing people or groups, especially those in positions of authority, to wisely play the role of advocacy, pacification and moderation in order to prevent the situation from being blown out of proportion and causing a permanent straining of relations.
There is a great reward for those who facilitate reconciliation between disputing parties.
Narrated Abu Darda’, the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said:
“Shall I not inform you of something better than fasting, prayer and charity (sadaqah)?” The Companions replied, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah!” He said, “Making peace between people among whom there is discord, for the evil of discord is the shaver.” [Abu Dawud]
“It is the shaver, and I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (i.e., destroys) the deen (i.e. religious commitment).” The version in Jami` Tirmidhi was authenticated as sahih by Shaykh al-Albani.
"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind." [Muslim and Bukhari]
This does not discount the importance of prayer and fasting but mending relationship has a greater reward.
So look around us and take the means to join between people who have corrupted their relations. Take the means to bring people who have distanced themselves from each other close to each other. If you see any two friends who are not in good terms, take the means to bring them together -- say some good words. Also look in your own family -- if there are members of your family, e.g. any siblings, cousins, etc, who are not in talking terms, take the means to mend their relationships.
Allah Almighty says,
إِنَّمَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ فَأَصْلِحُوا۟ بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّـهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ ﴿١٠[Qur'an, Al-Hujurat 49:10]
The believers are but brothers, so make reconciliation between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy. (10)
Narrated by Sahl ibn Sa'd that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam said:
This wealth consists of various kinds of treasures and those treasures have keys. Blessed is the man whom Allah has made a key for good and a lock for evil, but woe to the man whom Allah has made a key for evil and a lock for good.[Tirmidhi]
So be that believer and bring to life this great sunnah of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace). Take the means to bring wholeness and goodness in relationships. This will bring life back to our own lives, our families and our communities. This is such a tremendous work, so we should strive to do. If you can do that you are among the best believers.
How the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) resolve disputes between two people:
1. He heard complains of both sides before passing a verdict.
2. He mentioned the good traits and righteous deeds of the wrong-doer if the latter was apologetic and repentant, to facilitate reconciliation.
3. He allowed the recipient of an undeserved verbal onslaught to defend their honor, even if they were younger in age.
4. He did not - and this is a very important key point - exhort the wronged person to keep silent in the name of patience and restraint. He did not allow their oppressor to continue with their injustices. Rather, he made sure that the wrongdoing was not just stopped, but that the one who was wronged also defended themselves.
Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said:
Do not desert (stop talking to) one another, do not nurse hatred towards one another, do not be jealous of one another, and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to stop talking to his brother (Muslim) for more than three days.[Bukhari and Muslim]
May Allah guide us. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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