In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Abu Hurayra heard that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wassallam, said, "Anyone who wants to have his provision expanded and his term of life lengthened should maintain ties of kinship." [Bukhari]
Ibn 'Umar said, "If someone fears his Lord and maintains ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, he will have abundant wealth and his people will love him." [Bukhari]
Upholding and honoring the ties of kinship is one of the most distinctive characteristics of true believers and one of the prominent traits of Allah's beloved Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam. His wife, Khadijah radhiAllahu anha said to Allah's Messenger while trying to comfort him after receiving his prophethood, “Nay! Allah will never disgrace you. You uphold the ties of kinship...” [Agreed upon].
The Messenger linked it to worship of Allah itself, indicating its utmost significance. In a hadith narrated by Umar Ibn Absah, he asked the Messenger, “With what has Allah sent you?” He replied, “He has sent me to uphold ties of kinship, to break idols, and to proclaim the Oneness of Allah with nothing associated with Him” [Muslim].
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam, said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the hereafter let him uphold the ties of kinship. And whoever believes in Allah and the hereafter let him speak good or else keep silent”. [Bukhari]
It is reported that al-Miqdam ibn Ma'dikarib heard the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wassallam, say, "Allah enjoins you to be dutiful to your mothers. Then He enjoins you to be dutiful to your mothers. Then He enjoins you to be dutiful to your fathers. Then He enjoins you to be dutiful to your next closest relative and then to your next closest relative." [Bukhari]
Dutifulness to kinship is therefore one of the greatest and loftiest good deeds that bring us closer to Allah.
Anyone who severs ties of kinship, Allah cuts him off. "Mercy does not descend on a people when there is someone among them who severs ties of kinship." [Bukhari] How lost will they then become?
Allah Almighty says,
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱتَّقُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَٰحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَآءً ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّـهَ ٱلَّذِى تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِۦ وَٱلْأَرْحَامَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّـهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا ﴿١[Qur'an, An-Nisa 4:1]
O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women; and fear Allah through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you. (1)
فَهَلْ عَسَيْتُمْ إِن تَوَلَّيْتُمْ أَن تُفْسِدُوا۟ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ وَتُقَطِّعُوٓا۟ أَرْحَامَكُمْ ﴿٢٢﴾ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ ٱلَّذِينَ لَعَنَهُمُ ٱللَّـهُ فَأَصَمَّهُمْ وَأَعْمَىٰٓ أَبْصَـٰرَهُمْ ﴿٢٣﴾ أَفَلَا يَتَدَبَّرُونَ ٱلْقُرْءَانَ أَمْ عَلَىٰ قُلُوبٍ أَقْفَالُهَآ ﴿٢٤[Qur'an, Muhammad 47:22-24]
Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? (22) Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight. (23) Do they not then think deeply in the Qur'an, or are their hearts locked up (from understanding it)? (24)
Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wassallam, said, "Allah Almighty created creation. When He had finished it, ties of kinship rose up. Allah said, 'Stop!' They said, 'This is the place for anyone seeking refuge with You from being cut off' Allah said, 'Are you not content that I should maintain connections with the one who maintains connection with you and I should cut off the one who cuts you off?' It replied, 'Yes indeed, my Lord.' He said, 'You have that.'"
Then Abu Hurayra radhiAllahu anhu said, "If you wish, you can recite, 'Is it not likely that, if you did turn away, you would cause corruption in the earth and sever your ties of kinship?' (47:22)" [Bukhari and Muslim]
'Abdu'r-Rahman ibn 'Awf radhiAllahu anhu heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "Allah, the Almighty and Exalted, said, 'I am the Merciful (ar-Rahman). I have created ties of kinship and derives a name for it from My Name. If anyone maintains ties of kinship, I maintain connection with him, and I shall cut off anyone who cuts them off.'" [Bukhari]
Abu'l-'Anbas radhiAllahu anhu said, "I visited 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr at al-Waht (some land of his in Ta'if). He said, 'The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, pointed his finger towards us and said, "Kinship (rahim) us derived from the All-Merciful (Rahman). When someone maintains the connections of ties of kinship, they maintain connection with him. If someone cuts them off, they cut him off. They will have an unfettered, eloquent tongue on the Day of Rising."'" [Bukhari]
A'isha radhiAllahu anha reported that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam, said, "Kinship (rahim) is derived from Allah. If anyone maintains ties of kinship Allah maintains ties with him. If anyone cuts them off, Allah cuts him off."
Abu Bakra reported that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wassallam, said, "There is no wrong action which Allah is swifter to punish in this world – in addition to the punishment which He has stored up for the wrongdoer in the Next World – than cutting off ties of kinship and injustice." [Bukhari]
Jubayr ibn Mu'tim radhiAllahu anhu, reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wassallam, say, "The one who severs ties of kinship will not enter the Garden." [Bukhari]
Principles To Observe With Kinship
1. Be devoted to Allah in everything you do. Keep asking Allah to grant you success, and stick to whatever pleases Him. This is the best and most beneficial thing to do in life, so ask Allah to help you do it, and do your best to avoid whatever contradicts with it.
Ibn 'Abbas spoke about the ayat, "Give your relatives their due, and the very poor and travellers" (17:26), and said, "He begins by commanding the most pressing of the obligatory dues and He directs us to the best action if we have any money. He says: 'Give your relatives their due, and the very poor and travellers.' He also teaches us what we can say if we have nothing. He says, 'But if you do turn away from them, seeking the mercy you hope for from your Lord, then speak to them with words that bring them ease' (17:28) in the form of an excellent promise. Things are as they are, but they might change if Allah wills. 'Do not keep your hand chained to your neck' and not give anything, 'but do not extend it either to its full extent' and give all you have, 'so that you sit there blamed' as those who come to you later and find you have nothing will blame you, 'and destitute.' (17:29)" He said, "The person to whom you have given everything has made you destitute." [Bukhari]
2. Keep to forgiveness with whosoever does something bad to you, and do good in return. Allah Almighty says,
وَلَا تَسْتَوِى ٱلْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا ٱلسَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ٱدْفَعْ بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا ٱلَّذِى بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُۥ عَدَٰوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُۥ وَلِىٌّ حَمِيمٌ ﴿٣٤[Qur'an, Fussilat 41:34]
The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. (34)
3. Feel all the time that your kith and kin are the most people who deserve your good treatment, care, and love. Allah Almighty says,
ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ مِنۢ بَعْدُ وَهَاجَرُوا۟ وَجَـٰهَدُوا۟ مَعَكُمْ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ مِنكُمْ ۚ وَأُو۟لُوا۟ ٱلْأَرْحَامِ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلَىٰ بِبَعْضٍ فِى كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّـهِ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّـهَ بِكُلِّ شَىْءٍ عَلِيمٌۢ ﴿٧٥[Al-Anfal 8:75].
And those who believed afterwards, and emigrated and strove hard along with you, (in the Cause of Allâh) they are of you. But kindred by blood are nearer to one another (regarding inheritance) in the decree ordained by Allâh. Verily, Allâh is the All-Knower of everything. (75)
Imam Ahmad, An-Nasaa'I, Ibn Majah, and Ad-Darami related that Salman Ibn Amir Ad-Dabbi said, "Allah's Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam said, “Charity given to a poor person is charity, while charity given to a relative is both charity and dutifulness to kinship)” [Authenticated by Al-Albani].
4. Be a good role model. Maintain good manners with them and interact with them solely for the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. Discard the mentality of revenge, and do not do anything that makes them lose trust in you. Our perfect role model, the Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam never acted to avenge himself.
5. Respond to the needs of your relatives, and always do your best in cooperating with and supporting them. If you disagree with some of their actions, try to change these actions using gentle and diplomatic ways.
6. Deny yourself when dealing with them, and do not pay attention to whether they observe your rights or not. This involves respecting their rights even if they do not respect yours.
'Abdullah ibn 'Amr reported that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam, said, "The one who maintains ties of kinship is not the one who reciprocates. The one who maintains ties of kinship is the one who, when his relatives cut him off, maintains ties of kinship." [Bukhari]
Abu Hurayra said, "A man came to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, 'Messenger of Allah! I have relatives with whom I maintain ties while they cut me off. I am good to them while they are bad to me. They behave foolishly towards me while I am forbearing towards them.' The Prophet said, 'If things are as you said, it is as if you were putting hot ashes on them and you will not lack a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do that.'" [Bukhari]
Al-Bara' said, "A bedouin came and said, 'Prophet of Allah! Teach me an action which will enable me to enter the Garden.' He said, "The question is a broad one, even though you have asked it in only a few words. Free someone. Set a slave free.' He said, 'Are they not the same thing?' 'No,' he replied, 'Freeing someone is setting someone free yourself. Setting a slave free is to contribute to the price of setting him free. Lend an animal for milking which has a lot of milk and treat your relatives kindly. If you cannot do that, then command the good and forbid the bad. If you cannot do that, then restrain your tongue from everything except what is good." [Bukhari]
7. Whatever happens, be patient and do not give it up. Prophet Nuh alayhissalaam kept calling his people to believe in Allah for over 950 years without despair. Also, despite all that he received from the disbelievers of Makkah, Allah's Messenger sallallahu alayhi wassallam said, “All I hope for is that Allah will bring forth from their loins people who will worship Allah” [Agreed upon].
8. Exert sincere efforts to solve family problems. This family will strengthen and perpetuate family bonds.
9. Never lose hope in bringing them back to right. Once you doubt the possibility of driving them away from wrong, you will have been defeated yourself from the very beginning.
10. If you cannot reform their unacceptable traits, do not blame this on them, or you will be unable to criticize yourself or review the approaches you are using with them. Prophet Nuh alayhissalaam used every possible way to admonish his people. He did not restrict himself to just one way and then proclaimed that they could not be improved. The Qur'an narrated his speech to his Lord:
He said: "O my Lord! Verily, I have called my people night and day (i.e. secretly and openly to accept the doctrine of Islamic Monotheism)[] , (5) "But all my calling added nothing but to (their) flight (from the truth) (6) "And verily, every time I called unto them that You might forgive them, they thrust their fingers into their ears, covered themselves up with their garments, and persisted (in their refusal), and magnified themselves in pride. (7) "Then verily, I called to them openly (aloud); (8) "Then verily, I proclaimed to them in public, and I have appealed to them in private, (9) "I said (to them): 'Ask forgiveness from your Lord; Verily, He is Oft-Forgiving; (10) 'He will send rain to you in abundance; (11) [Qur'an, Nuh 71:5-11]
11. Set goals for your relations with your kith and kin, and monitor and gauge them so that you can know whether and how much you are good to your relatives.
12. Seek Allah's help in advising them, and always pray for them, particularly at the times and places that were given special significance by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam.
13. Keep in touch with your family and relatives, whether by phone or by mutual visits. Use gentle treatment, likable language, smiling, and prayer to show them cordiality. Give or send them gifts, even small gifts. Look for ways bring happiness to their hearts. These are some of the things that attracts more good.
Allah Almighty says,
هَلْ جَزَآءُ ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنِ إِلَّا ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنُ ﴿٦٠[Qur'an, Ar-Rahman 55:60]
Is the reward for good [anything] but good? (60)
Ibn 'Umar said, "'Umar saw a silk robe for sale. He said, 'Messenger of Allah, would you buy this robe and wear it on Jumu'a and when delegations visit you?' He replied, 'Only a person who has no portion in the Next World could wear this.' Then the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was given some robes made of the same material. He sent one of the robes to 'Umar. 'Umar exclaimed, 'How can I wear it when you said what you said about it?' The Prophet replied, 'I did not give it to you so that you could wear it. You can sell it or give it to someone.' 'Umar sent it to one of his half-brothers by his mother who was still an idolater." [Bukhari]
14. Learn your lineages so that you can maintain ties of kinship.
Jubayr ibn Mut'im said that he heard 'Umar ibn al-Khattab say on the minbar, "Learn your lineages so that you can maintain ties of kinship. By Allah, if there are some bad feelings between a man and his brother and he knows that there is kinship between him and that man, that will prevent him from breaking with him." [Bukhari]
Ibn 'Abbas said, "Keep a record of your lines of descent so that you can maintain ties of kinship. He will not make his relatives distant when they are close relatives, even if they live far away. He will not consider them to be close relatives if they are distant ones, even if they live near to him. Every time of kinship will come on the Day of Rising in front of each individual and testify on his behalf that he has maintained that tie of kinship if he did indeed maintain it. It will testify against him that he cut if off if he cut it off." [Bukhari]
15. Arrange for picnics and Hajj/Umrah travels with them, and try to tolerate their traits and behaviors that you do not like — they deserve it more than anybody else.
16. Share them their happy moments and different acceptable activities, without losing your solemnity or indulging too much in their lives.
17. Play with and show tenderness to their children, which is an easy way to diffuse love and friendliness everywhere. This was an honorable manner of Prophet Muhammad sallallahu aayhi wassallam.
17. Do all of that only for the sake of Allah, to gain the pleasure of Allah, and do not wait for any gratitude or applause from them. This is a very good psychological training. By returning any offenses or bad treatment from your relatives with tolerance and love, Ibn Hazm said, you will be hitting two birds with one shot prize: (1) You will get Allah's Satisfaction and (2) you will not feel the depression or frustration of being ill-treated or disrespected.
18. Be there for them in the events that Islam urges us to share with kith and kin, such as religious feasts and celebrations, having a new baby, Aqiqah (i.e., newborn sacrifice), weddings, death, etc.
Hard work, persistence, and patience is key to achieve the ultimate goal of honoring kinship relations.
We ask Allah to guide us and grant us tawfiq. And success is with none except Allah. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakum Allahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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