In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Parents, do you know where your children are?
I started watching a youtube video of a lecture by a famous da'i (caller to Islam) but I couldn't bring myself to watch the entire video. The graphics were too scary. How could they not be scary -- they all telling us how the moral fiber in this Muslim country is going down the dungeons. What glaring was some newspaper clippings reported a growing number of teenaged suicides, baby killings by unwed mothers, over 200000 children registered as out-of-wedlock children, and some scenes caught of youths orgies, mixed genders smoking and drinking parties and in them some girls with hijab, rather semi-hijab.
There is no other way to remedy this situation other than people start living Islam. The need for spiritual and moral education is amply demonstrated by the ills within our society. As we move more into a materialistic frame of mind we totally neglect our spiritual side leading to more disruptions within our personal and social lives. Society breaks down; the family unit breaks down as people become more distant. People rely on fantasy and entertainment, alcohol and drugs to drown out every remembrance and need of the soul inside us.
It is the duty of parents to protect their children from the Fire of Hell by teaching them Allah’s commands and prohibitions and Islamic manners (adab). It is the right of children to be brought up in accordance with the guidelines of Islam. Parents bear the brunt of the blame if their children turning out to be wild and unIslamic. So we should take heed and take what is happening out there to other people's families and children as a huge warning for us.
All the money we are accumulating by working day and night so we can buy things, to keep up with technology and trend, so we can buy our children new smartphones, iPad, car, brand clothes/shoes, etc, so we can pay for their special (educational) camps or for this lesson and that lesson, so we can take them on regular vacations, won't do our children and us any good, if they wind up in bad company and be like those kids, lost. May Allah protect our families from His wrath.
Remember, in the Day of Judgment everybody will come after those people that are owed rights to them. Parents who did not fulfill the rights of their children will run away from their children, trying to save themselves from the consequences of this reality.
Allah Almighty says,
يَوْمَ يَفِرُّ ٱلْمَرْءُ مِنْ أَخِيهِ ﴿٣٤﴾ وَأُمِّهِۦ وَأَبِيهِ ﴿٣٥﴾ وَصَـٰحِبَتِهِۦ وَبَنِيهِ ﴿٣٦[Qur'an Abasa 80:34-36]
On the Day a man will flee from his brother (34) And his mother and his father (35) And his wife and his children, (36)
ا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّـهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ ﴿٦﴾ يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا لَا تَعْتَذِرُوا الْيَوْمَ ۖ إِنَّمَا تُجْزَوْنَ مَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ ﴿٧[Qur'an At-Tahrim 66:6-7]
O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. (6) O you who have disbelieved, make no excuses that Day. You will only be recompensed for what you used to do. (7)
Parents should strive to cultivate in their children's hearts a deep love and respect for the Deen so that it is the central part of their adult life. And when they are confronted with choices, they can clearly tell the difference between right and wrong and inshaAllah act accordingly.
For those who send their children to an Islamic school or Qur'an school, you have a good head start. However, it is not sufficient to just drop off your children at the school, thinking that you have done wonders and you go about your worldly affairs. You have to take an active role in their lives. In fact your role is more important than that of the school. If you don't show an interest in what they learn, how could they? If learning is not important to you, how could it be important to them. The school teaches but you are their best models.
It is a well known fact that children do as parents do, not necessarily what they say. Children develop behaviors through observing their parents in day-to-day life. Every behavior that a parent engages in should be worthy of imitating because children will imitate it. If you go to the masjid everyday, they too will, without being told, if you accustomed them to go with you from young, and the environment is such that this is normal. If you are hanging on the phone all day, they will too. If you are gone all day, they will too. When you give them the car keys, while they have not been taught responsibilities, you have driven them away.
The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “Act upon the obedience to Allah and avoid the prohibitions of Allah, and order your children to abide by the commandments of Allah and to avoid the prohibitions of Allah, and by that you protect yourselves and them from the Hellfire.”
Some encouragements from the beloved Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wassallam:
"For a man to teach his child good adab is better than giving a sa (2 liters) of grain in charity."
"No father can give his child anything better than good manners." [Tirmidhi]
"Whoever desires to spite the jealous one, should teach his child good adab." Who is jealous of us? The Shaytan and his followers.
"The best of you is he who has learnt the Qu'ran and then taught it." [Bukhari]
So don't postpone your own Islamic learning so you can be a better parent. Learn the Qur'an so you can teach your children the Qur'an yourself. But if you can't yet, find a good teacher for them. Don't give yourself any more excuses for not doing it now. Start your children with Qur'an at early age. If they can sing the nursery rhymes or play on the iPad, they can start learning to recite the Qur'an. If you have missed the boat with your children, seek advice and guidance of those with knowledge.
May Allah give us the ability to be excellent parents and protect our families from all the evils of mankind and jinnkind, and make us from amongst the righteous. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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