In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Children are trusts from Allah to their parents and they have rights. Parents are obligated to fulfill these rights. This is serious obligation but many people take it very lightly or don't care. You can see many people around you neglected this responsibility and as a result, a fast moral decay in many societies. These parents think that as long as their children are doing well in secular schools and they have raised doctors, lawyers, engineers, CEOs, etc. they think they have done their job. Watch, they are in for a big surprise!
In the Day of Judgment everybody will come after those people that are owed rights to them. And parents who did not fulfill the rights of their children will run away from their children, trying to save themselves from the consequences of this reality.
Allah Almighty says,
يَوْمَ يَفِرُّ ٱلْمَرْءُ مِنْ أَخِيهِ ﴿٣٤﴾ وَأُمِّهِۦ وَأَبِيهِ ﴿٣٥﴾ وَصَـٰحِبَتِهِۦ وَبَنِيهِ ﴿٣٦[Qur'an Abasa 80:34-36]
On the Day a man will flee from his brother (34) And his mother and his father (35) And his wife and his children, (36)
Now in this life, you give your children everything to make them happy, none or not much of the things that can save you and them and make you and them happy in the Day of Judgment. We can see this all around us how parents are spoiling their children and destroying their eternal lives. You give them comfort of this worldly life, but neglected those things that will give you comfort in the Hereafter.
So shape up...don't chase after the world, trying to gather money to buy this and that...to fulfill the endless desires and wants of your family...at the expense of you becoming bankrupt in the Hereafter. Remember that your children will not spare you in the Day of Judgment if you have not fulfilled their true rights in this life. They will come after you to collect what were due to them and on that Day you won't have anything to pay them except with your good deeds. If you don't have any good deeds or if they are not enough, you will have to take their sins. May Allah protect us from this great calamity.
The right of children is teaching them good manners (adab), Qur'an and Arabic. It may be a very difficult job especially if your children were not exposed to this at an early age and if they are in an environment which is not conducive to learning Islam and Qur'an. They will give you a hard time. Children will test your limits. But none of this can be an excuse. You shouldn't give up and you have to keep on trying...Allah Almighty will not ask you if you were successful to raise righteous children, but Allah will ask you if you have tried and have done everything you can. Bear in mind, Allah knows whether you have done your best or not. So, you have to learn and you have to seek counsel of people of knowledge.
Allah Almighty says,
لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّـهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا ٱكْتَسَبَتْ ۗ[Qur'an Al-Baqarah 2:286]
Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned...
Most children don't like to learn Qur'an and Arabic but you will find them zealous with learning everything else, even difficult subjects and 2, 3, 4, 5 non-Arabic languages. When it comes to Qur'an and Arabic, they said it is too difficult. Why is it difficult? Because they place no importance to Qur'an. They think these other things will get them ahead like their friends and those "successful" people. Unfortunately, many parents think this way too. In fact, they were the ones who put this strong emphasis on secular education. All wrong! If your children don't know their Lord, if they disobeyed their Lord and His Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace), and if they disobeyed you and disrespect you, who is the blame? And if you don't teach your children adab, you can expect your children will not treat you well now and at your old age. This is the trend in many households unfortunately. Children were born Muslims, but their parents made them something else. So, who is to be blamed in the Day of Judgment when they sin left and right in this life?
In the early generation, the parents would send their children to a teacher (mu'addib). The teacher is not only someone who teaches them facts and having them rote memorization of the Qur'an and other religious texts, but he also teaches them adab.
It is important every single Muslim to have an understanding of Arabic. If you look at the deviant sects of Islam, the root is misunderstanding of the Arabic. The more we understand Arabic, the more we have an understanding of the religion.
It is the parent's obligation to provide their children with religious education, either they themselves teach their children and if they are not qualified or if they are unable able to do so, to send them to teachers who can teach them.
If there is an Islamic state, the father will be publicly lashed for negligence if he did not send his child to learn Islam and he does not make a change after it has been brought to his attention. Not sending children to Islamic education is considered abuse of the children.
Parents should also give their children the tools on how to train their souls spiritually, familiarizing them with virtuous actions and train them to perform what the shari'ah requires--the fard and the extra acts.
We should honor our children by teaching them Islam. We don't honor them by giving them this dunya and forget Islam. A hadith commentator said that it has not been narrated that we should honor our children by giving them the adornment of the dunya and its pleasures. Most people honor their children by buying them things and giving them vacation. While it is not per se bad and that they should treat their child based on their level of economic standing as long as it is not extravagant and does not distract or prevent them from their religious duties and continuous seeking of sacred knowledge.
We should train our children to have 3 qualities--love of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, love of his family and love of reciting the Qur'an.
Hadith:
"Whoever teach his child good adab when the child is young, the child will be a delight of the father."
"Whoever desires to spite the jealous one, should teach his child good adab." Who is jealous of us? The Shaytan and his followers.
"For man to teach his child good adab is better than giving a sa (2 liters) of grain in charity."
May Allah guide us and grant us tawfiq. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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