Being Good Parents

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate

Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Being good parents is not about giving the world to your children. Yes, you have to feed your children, clothe them, provide a roof over their head, and give them extras based on your level of economic standing as long as it is not extravagance, but this is not all.

It is the duty of parents to protect their children from the Fire of Hell by teaching them Allah’s commands and prohibitions, and Islamic manners (adab). It is the right of children to be brought up in accordance with the guidelines of Islam.

The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “Act upon the obedience to Allah and avoid the prohibitions of Allah, and order your children to abide by the commandments of Allah and to avoid the prohibitions of Allah, and by that you protect yourselves and them from the Hellfire.”

"For a man to teach his child good adab is better than giving a sa (2 liters) of grain in charity."

Children are trusts from Allah Almighty to their parents. Their hearts are a valuable jewel that is innocent and open to all inscriptions. If raised with goodness, they will gain happiness in this life and the next. And their parents will take part in their reward. If parents give their children the Qur'an, Allah will give them crowns on the Day of Judgment that have light brighter than the sun. If parents let the children go free like animals without giving adab, they will become wretched and destroyed. And the sins will be partly be on the parents.

It is a well known fact that children do as parents do, not necessarily what they say. You can test this fact by looking at ourselves--how many of the habits/traits of our parents (positive and negative) we have picked up from our parents? A lot. Of course, if they are blameworthy, we should strive to rid of them.

Being a positive role model for good behavior is far more powerful than specific training or disciplinary measures in raising children. These processes of identification and imitation overshadow any statements, rules, and prescriptions for good behavior. Children develop behaviors through observing their parents in day-to-day life. Every behavior that a parent engages in should be worthy of imitating because children will imitate it.

If you hardly touch the Qur'an, how can you expect your children to touch the Qur'an, let alone learn it. If you are too busy with the dunya and your children never saw you pray, you can't expect your children to love to pray, let alone wake up for Fajr and Tahajjud. If you are always busy working to make money and left your children at home all day to care for themselves (common in young teens) or if they are smaller, with "babysitters", they will soon learn that this life is all about making money and having money. You are aimed for a disaster. If you are gone a lot, hardly with them when they are awake, what manners are you able to instill in your children? When you come home, you will find your children eating and sleeping in front of the TV, no structure whatsoever--these are the consequences of them not having good role models in the home and direct parental supervision. By your absence (emotionally or physically), you have given your children no choice but to turn to TV, smartphone, internet and friends for companionship.

The best thing you can do for your children is to have at least one parent at home with them especially in their early developmental years up to their teens, to supervise them and to teach them the adab of Islam and the religion. At the same time, parents should focus on developing themselves in the religion, both in outward actions and inward actions. The fact that our children are looking to us to see how to be is enough of a reason for us to focus on this development. Only if we have developed integrity in the way we live our own lives as Muslims will we be able to provide our offspring with the necessary model for attaining success in this worldly life and the next worldly life.

وَمَا مِن دَآبَّةٍ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ وَلَا طَـٰٓئِرٍ يَطِيرُ بِجَنَاحَيْهِ إِلَّآ أُمَمٌ أَمْثَالُكُم ۚ مَّا فَرَّطْنَا فِى ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ مِن شَىْءٍ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَىٰ رَبِّهِمْ يُحْشَرُونَ ﴿٣٨

And there is no creature on [or within] the earth or bird that flies with its wings except [that they are] communities like you. We have not neglected in the Register a thing. Then unto their Lord they will be gathered. (38) [Qur'an Al-Anaam 6:38]

You see much in the animal kingdom how the animals live together in solidarity and how the parents protect their young from danger, feed them, teach them and make big sacrifices for them. They think of their young before themselves and feed them first. Allah is the One who teaches these animals to live this way and think about their young, feed and protect them.

It is said that the storks are among the world's model parents because of their care, attachment and sacrifice that both parents show to their young. During a very hot weather, too hot even for a human to bear, the parents would shower the young through their bills with water they fetch together and they would spread their wings to shade their young from the hot sun.

We should be better than these animals but sometimes we are the culprit, the ones who hurt those under our protection. Like the animals we have our guidance from Allah in the Qur'an. So learn the Qur'an and put the teachings into practice in your family in the manner it is supposed to be.

May Allah help us be good parents and help us raise righteous children, and save us and our families from the Fire. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam

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