If You Have Parents

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are pleased with him, he comes into the morning with two doors of Paradise open to him. Whoever goes into the evening and both parents are pleased with him, he goes into the evening with two doors of Paradise open for him. And if he has just one parent, then one door of Paradise is open to him. Whoever comes into the morning and both his parents are angry with him, he comes into the morning with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. Whoever goes into the evening with both parents are angry with him, he goes into the evening with 2 doors of hellfire open to him. And if he has just one parent, then one door is open for him." After realizing this huge position of parents that the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, was telling the companions about, one of the Companions asked, "Even if the parents were oppressive to them?" The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, replied, "Even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child, even if they oppress the child."

Imagine a child who died in a state in which his parents are being pleased with him, he has 2 doors of Paradise he could choose to enter from, and imagine a child who died in a state in which his parents are being angry with him, he is doomed.

Once a scholar was seen weeping at the death of his mother, and when asked why he wept, he said, "Why shouldn't I cry when one of the doors of Paradise has left me." His mother, while she was alive a door of Paradise was opened for him and once she passed away, that door becomes closed.

This is a important reminder for us that while our parents are still alive, it is important to do as much as we can for them because once they are gone, there is no going back. The nature of this world is that time passes very quickly and there is always a lot to do, and you think once you have some time, you would go and spend time with your mother/father, but she/he dies before you could do that, and it's over. Then the child has to spend the rest of his/her live, feeling remorse over the time he/she didn't spend the time with the parent.

For those who have at least one of your parents living, take lessons from those around you who did not have the opportunity to do all the good that they could do for their parents while their parents were alive. Put your parents in the forefront before your career, traveling for leisure, before your friends, before amassing wealth. Make a point to ask them if they are pleased with you. So, if they are not, you have time to remedy it. For those who have lost their parents, make du'a for them day and night and give charity on their behalf.

Some scholars said being good to your parents means to accompany them in a good manner and never to wait for them to ask you for what they need.

Advice of a scholar: Begin supporting your parents financially, even if they don’t need any help. Purchase their groceries, buy their appliances. Get used to making room for their needs from your earnings while they don’t need us. So that when (and if) they need financial support from us, it’s less difficult. And in some cases, our parents may be totally dependent on us. If they are, and you have the honor to serve them, remember, it’s an honor, not a burden. Parents can’t do half the things they used to be able to do. If there’s heavy lifting, moving large things, etc; do it for them. They should be able to call on us to assist, and we need to make time for them, so they are not burdened with such things.

Even if your parents are not nice to you, even if they abuse you, it is not a condition that they be nice to you before you are nice to them. You still be good to them, and if you fear harm for yourself, then you do that from a distance.

The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “One who has been disowned by his parents is told: ‘Act as you please, for I shall not forgive you.’ Whereas one who is good towards his parents is told, ‘Act as you please. I will be forgiving towards you.’”

Allah Almighty says,

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23)

[Al-Isra 17:23]

All of us will go through many tests in this life to measure our worth with Allah. Some are tested with bad parents, some with bad spouses, some with bad neighbors, some with bad children, some with bad in-laws, some with all of the above. We are tests to each other. This is our jihad in this life and it will end with our defeat or victory. We can attain victory only if we act and react in accordance to the teachings of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace.

May Allah have mercy on our parents and make us His obedient servant and good children to our parents. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam

Related Archives:

Being Good Parents

Turning Our Children Into True Muslims