Be Thankful To Allah And Your Parents

Allah stresses to us so many times in the Quran the importance of “birr biwalidayn”, obeying, honoring and respecting our parents.

وَقَضَىٰ رَ‌بُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ‌ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْ‌هُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِ‌يمًا ﴿٢٣

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (23) (Qur'an, Al-Isra' 17:23)

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّ‌حْمَةِ وَقُل رَّ‌بِّ ارْ‌حَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَ‌بَّيَانِي صَغِيرً‌ا ﴿٢٤

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (24) (Qur'an, Al-Isra' 17:24)

Imam ibn Qayyim started his discussion on this topic by saying, if you have a child who is disobedient to you, the default is usually that you messed up as a parent. But not every parent who has a disobedient child or a child who harm or even kill another, is at fault. Prophet Adam and Ya’qub are good examples of that. Not every parent who has a child who does not love the religion is at fault. Prophet Nuh is the primary example of that. But the majority of the time, that is the case. 

Allah has created every human being with selfishness. People tend to treat everyone essentially like a business contract. In any relationship in this life, you will find most people want to extract maximum benefits from you while they want to give you the minimum. When they are on the receiving end, they are with you. Whenever the equation tilts the other way, then they will start acting differently. At their time of need you are there for them but at the time of your need, they find you a nuisance and run away from you. 

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said. “The one who is not grateful to people will never be grateful to Allah.” Imam al Qayyim said that this statement can be flipped, i.e. The one who is not grateful to Allah will never be grateful to people.” 

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala says,  

وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَ‌بُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْ‌تُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرْ‌تُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِى لَشَدِيدٌ ﴿٧

And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' (7) [Qur'an, Ibrahim 14:7]

What is going to keep your child loving you, responding to each one of your requests? What is going to keep your child loving you when the time comes, when you are in a dependent phase, when you are the one who needs your diapers changed? What will keep your children in that state is having gratitude towards Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, understanding the commands from Allah to respond with that same mercy that you gave them when they were little, even respond with greater mercy and compassion. 

If you want your children to be good to you and to never forsake you, teach them to love Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, teach them to be grateful to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, teach them to be thankful to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala. If you can succeed in instilling in them the love of Allah, when they get older, they are going to love you too because Allah commands them to do that.