بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Close relatives are really in a good position to hurt our feelings -- like husband/wife, mother/father, children, brothers/sisters, uncles/aunties/cousins, etc. They are so close to your heart which means it is easy for them to stab you in the heart. Sometimes you may forgive but that doesn’t guarantee that you don’t remember, not scarred. It is possible that you forgive somebody but your relationship with that person is not the same anymore.
When Mistah, a maternal cousin of Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu anhu), spoke about his beloved daughter, the mother of the believers and the most beloved of people to the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), Aisha (radhiAllahu anha), during the Incident of the Slander, Abu Bakr, who had been paying his stipend, took the money back and swore that he would never give him money again. But Allah says, pardon and overlook -- means forgive and forget -- let it go, turn the page, let the heart just completely heal, don’t remember what he did, that chapter is over, love him like you love him before. Allah Almighty revealed:
Any father who had raised his daughter with haya' (modesty, shyness, social morality, values and behavior) and then someone comes and makes this very serious accusation against his daughter, has the right to be angry but Allah just bring the extinguisher and Abu Bakr, one of the ten promised Paradise, took it.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
ألا تحب يا أبا بكر أن يغفر الله لك
O Abu Bakr, would you not love for Allah to forgive you?
Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه said:
والله إنـي لأحبّ أن يغفر الله لـي
By Allah, verily, I would love for Allah to forgive me!
And so he resumed paying the stipend (to Mistah).
If this is not enough incentive for you, then the only problem you have is iman (faith). Don't argue that it was Abu Bakr. Allah didn't mention his name in the verse. In other words, it applies to his situation and will apply forever after.
Put a weight to your anger and put a weight to your sins. Now, how badly do you want Allah to forgive you? If you forgive and forget, Allah guarantees you His forgiveness and He will overlook your sins. Would you not love for Allah to forgive you?
Don't say "I can't do it, I just can't!", "I cant forgive, there is a big dark hole in my heart!" You can tell anything you want to yourself but the Truth does not submit to you. You submit to the Truth. Allah says He does not burden anyone with something he cannot bear.
Stop telling yourself, "I can't!" Snap out of it. There is nothing holding you back. Don't follow the whispers of shaytan. The word shatan also means rage. Shaytan wants to keep the fire of rage burning.
Anyone who harbors a grudge against someone is not free of three concerns:
He either struggles against himself in order to do good (to his enemy) and increase his consideration; this is the degree of the truly righteous, or…
He does not do any good or evil deeds. This is the degree of the moderate, or…
He does rude things to him and does not do any good; this is the degree of the vicious and the oppressors.
There is no intimacy with Allah greater than this: that you do good to him who does evil to you. If you are unable to do that, at least forgive him; for the virtue of forgiveness is great.
[al-Ghazzali]
May Allah enable us to forgive the people who have hurt us and turn the page. Ameen.
www.darannoor.com
When Mistah, a maternal cousin of Abu Bakr (radhiAllahu anhu), spoke about his beloved daughter, the mother of the believers and the most beloved of people to the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), Aisha (radhiAllahu anha), during the Incident of the Slander, Abu Bakr, who had been paying his stipend, took the money back and swore that he would never give him money again. But Allah says, pardon and overlook -- means forgive and forget -- let it go, turn the page, let the heart just completely heal, don’t remember what he did, that chapter is over, love him like you love him before. Allah Almighty revealed:
وَلَا يَأْتَلِ أُو۟لُوا۟ ٱلْفَضْلِ مِنكُمْ وَٱلسَّعَةِ أَن يُؤْتُوٓا۟ أُو۟لِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْمَسَـٰكِينَ وَٱلْمُهَـٰجِرِينَ فِى سَبِيلِ ٱللَّـهِ ۖ وَلْيَعْفُوا۟ وَلْيَصْفَحُوٓا۟ ۗ أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ ٱللَّـهُ لَكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّـهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ ﴿٢٢[Qur'an, An-Nur 24:22]
And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. (22)
Any father who had raised his daughter with haya' (modesty, shyness, social morality, values and behavior) and then someone comes and makes this very serious accusation against his daughter, has the right to be angry but Allah just bring the extinguisher and Abu Bakr, one of the ten promised Paradise, took it.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
ألا تحب يا أبا بكر أن يغفر الله لك
O Abu Bakr, would you not love for Allah to forgive you?
Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه said:
والله إنـي لأحبّ أن يغفر الله لـي
By Allah, verily, I would love for Allah to forgive me!
And so he resumed paying the stipend (to Mistah).
If this is not enough incentive for you, then the only problem you have is iman (faith). Don't argue that it was Abu Bakr. Allah didn't mention his name in the verse. In other words, it applies to his situation and will apply forever after.
Put a weight to your anger and put a weight to your sins. Now, how badly do you want Allah to forgive you? If you forgive and forget, Allah guarantees you His forgiveness and He will overlook your sins. Would you not love for Allah to forgive you?
Don't say "I can't do it, I just can't!", "I cant forgive, there is a big dark hole in my heart!" You can tell anything you want to yourself but the Truth does not submit to you. You submit to the Truth. Allah says He does not burden anyone with something he cannot bear.
...لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّـهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا ٱكْتَسَبَتْ ۗ[Qur'an, Al-Baqarah 2:286]
Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned...
Stop telling yourself, "I can't!" Snap out of it. There is nothing holding you back. Don't follow the whispers of shaytan. The word shatan also means rage. Shaytan wants to keep the fire of rage burning.
Anyone who harbors a grudge against someone is not free of three concerns:
He either struggles against himself in order to do good (to his enemy) and increase his consideration; this is the degree of the truly righteous, or…
He does not do any good or evil deeds. This is the degree of the moderate, or…
He does rude things to him and does not do any good; this is the degree of the vicious and the oppressors.
There is no intimacy with Allah greater than this: that you do good to him who does evil to you. If you are unable to do that, at least forgive him; for the virtue of forgiveness is great.
[al-Ghazzali]
May Allah enable us to forgive the people who have hurt us and turn the page. Ameen.
www.darannoor.com
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