Control Your Anger Before It Controls You

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

What makes a person angry? Why do we get angry over the smallest things and blow up out of proportion with what is happening? Why do we get angry at the people we love and care about? Anger can appear to be irrational but if you learn to look below the surface you will find the real causes of anger. When you find the real causes you can successfully overcome your anger.

As Muslims, we have to realize that nothing of this world is worth it. Are you angry because someone cheated you off your money or stole your things or destroy your things? Remember those things are not lasting. One day they will perish like everything else of Allah's creation. Are you angry because someone jerks you around, or someone disturbs your sleep, or someone didn't do their job properly, or your spouse refuses to go along with a plan, or your kid doesn’t jump when told to do something, or someone says some bad things to you? Remember you cannot control people's behavior but you can control yours. Be patient and you will see the reward of your patience in this life before the next.

When people think that this world is everything they have then when something goes wrong, they can get angry and some can get into rage and fights. Remember it is not the end of the world if you lose something and it is not necessarily an enjoyment if you gain something. Whatever you have been given (things, wealth, power, children, health, company, respect, knowledge, etc), Allah says they are mataa' (utilities) -- something you use in this life only. In other words they are temporary. You have a house and it starts deteriorating, you have health and it starts withering away, you have strength and it starts weakening, you have a great car and it starts giving you problems, you have children and they start leaving home, you have water/electricity one day and you don't the next day, and so on. Things come and go.

So don't get caught up with these things. Instead, start working on better things and things that last. What is with Allah is better and more lasting than anything in this world for those who have believed and upon their Lord rely (36)

Allah Almighty says,

فَمَآ أُوتِيتُم مِّن شَىْءٍ فَمَتَـٰعُ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا ۖ وَمَا عِندَ ٱللَّـهِ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَىٰ لِلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَلَىٰ رَبِّهِمْ يَتَوَكَّلُونَ ﴿٣٦

So whatever thing you have been given - it is but [for] enjoyment of the worldly life. But what is with Allah is better and more lasting for those who have believed and place their trust in Allah (36)

[Qur'an Ash-Shura 42:36]

When you realized this then all of sudden everything here look very small. And when something goes wrong, it won't be so big of a deal for you. You can simply say inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un (to Allah we belong and to Him is the return) or la hawla wala quwwata illa billah (there is no power nor might except with Allah).

If you really want to be the person who prefers the next life, learn to forgive when you are angry. Seeking justice is allowed in Islam but if you can still learn to lovingly forgive and reconcile despite your anger, your reward is so immense that cannot be described -- the only thing that can be said is that it is on Allah who will take care of your rewards.

Allah Almighty says,

وَٱلَّذِينَ يَجْتَنِبُونَ كَبَـٰٓئِرَ ٱلْإِثْمِ وَٱلْفَوَٰحِشَ وَإِذَا مَا غَضِبُوا۟ هُمْ يَغْفِرُونَ ﴿٣٧﴾ وَٱلَّذِينَ ٱسْتَجَابُوا۟ لِرَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا۟ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَمْرُهُمْ شُورَىٰ بَيْنَهُمْ وَمِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰهُمْ يُنفِقُونَ ﴿٣٨﴾ وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَصَابَهُمُ ٱلْبَغْىُ هُمْ يَنتَصِرُونَ ﴿٣٩﴾ وَجَزَٰٓؤُا۟ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِّثْلُهَا ۖ فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُۥ عَلَى ٱللَّـهِ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ لَا يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ ﴿٤٠

And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive, (37) And those who have responded to their lord and established prayer and whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves, and from what We have provided them, they spend. (38) And those who, when they are subjected to aggression, they defend themselves, (39) And the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation - his reward is [due] from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers. (40)

[Qur'an Ash-Shura 42:27-40]

May Allah make it easy for us to curtail our anger and keep us calm and give us the ability to forgive others particularly when it comes to people in our own families. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakum Allahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam