In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum
Dear Friends
I pray that you are well.
Everybody benefit from a sincere reminder. Allah Almighty says,
وَذَكِّرْ فَإِنَّ ٱلذِّكْرَىٰ تَنفَعُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٥٥[Qur'an, Adh-Dhariyat 51:55]
And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers. (55)
Who are the people who can best remind us when we forget or when we slip? It's our family (our spouses, our parents, our siblings and even our own children) and people who are very close to us outside our family.
Why? Because all these people know our private life better than anyone else and have dealt with us regularly in many ways. One scholar remarked that no one knows the religiosity of a man better than his wife. So a person may have all the characteristics of a religious person outwardly, but he never wakes up for Fajr, at least not by himself. No one can remind him except his wife and his children.
When people close to us give us advice, we have to remember that it is because they want good for us. Most people don't take advice easily and pleasantly (outwardly or inwardly) and you have to appreciate that this person cares enough about you that he/she would risk losing your good side or getting attacked and ridiculed. Not many of us are well verse in human psychology or experienced enough, so if the approach is wrong or you don't like the advice, you overlook that and be grateful that someone is trying to correct you and remind you of the good. Even if you think you are better than them or have more knowledge than them or you are 100% right, this is your chance to look inside of you. One of the ways you can gauge if you have a superiority complex, an ego or arrogance is by your first reaction to reminders and criticisms. If your immediate reaction is not of gratitude and humility, then you have a real problem.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam said: "No one who has an atom's weight of pride in his heart will enter the Garden." [Muslim]
How to remedy pride and arrogance?
1) Remember Allah often. Allah Almighty says,
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱذْكُرُوا۟ ٱللَّـهَ ذِكْرًا كَثِيرًا ﴿٤١﴾ وَسَبِّحُوهُ بُكْرَةً وَأَصِيلًا ﴿٤٢[Quran Al-Ahzab 33:41-42]
O you who have believed, remember Allah with much remembrance (41) And exalt Him morning and afternoon. (42)
How often do you remember Allah? Remembering Allah is not just the adhkar which are great in themselves. But if they are thoughtless and not reflected upon, then it is just review. When you say Alhamdulillah, for example, it should come to heart that Allah should be thanked and praised for everything. Despite your troubles, you never stop thanking Him. Whatever is happening must be good and so you thank Him and you praise Him with your tongue and in your heart.
When somebody comes and talk real nasty to you or being condescending, immediately thank Allah. Don't get upset. It may be that it is a gift of humility to you. Ibn Taymiyya had this attitude when someone offended him, he said: "I think it is a gift from Allah that He is teaching me humility."
You should have certain amount of adhkar that you recite daily but learn their meanings and internalize them when you say them.
Fill up your time with acts of worship so that no period of time elapses, whether by night or by day, without being used in some act of goodness. This is how barakah (blessings) within time is made manifest, the purpose of life fulfilled, and the approach of Allah made constant.
2) Learn to serve people for the sake of Allah. When you do things for the sake of Allah, you don't get burned out and you don't go through high emotions when you don't get good results or when you don't get appreciation or credit. Why? Because results and people's appreciation or credit are not the reasons you are doing the good. Results are in the hands of Allah, and people are not the ones who are paying you, it is Allah. You already received your credit from Allah when you make your sincere intention to do the good, and your wages continue to pile up as you put your sincere effort into it, whether you get the results or not, whether people appreciate you or not. Realizing this will make your job more satisfying. Your job is putting the effort -- the only questions that you should ask yourself in what good you do, "Did I do my part?" "Did I put enough effort?" "Were my efforts sincerely for the sake of Allah?" Regardless the answer, you put better effort next time. Always renew your intentions because it can become rusty after a while.
If someone praises you for your success, for your great job, etc, you should feel uncomfortable and be quick to give the credit to Allah and immediately put yourself down. Praises can actually hurt you because it boosts up your ego, so be careful with your praises of others. It might harm them.
3) Find company better than yourself
4) Learn to control your tongue. When someone give you advice or criticize you, "Say good or remain silent."
Sincere reminder to others benefit us first. Because you are accepting that the words are coming from you, but the effect comes from Allah. If they don't listen to you, your first reaction is not to condemn because that they don't listen to you. Go back to your intentions -- are you doing this for the sake Allah or not? If not, fix your intention.
If you see something really bad, find a humble way to advise a Muslim. Think...are the words you are going to say are going to make them more averse to the religion or perhaps a soft loving words, without compromising the religion, would slowly bring them back to the religion? You try to change their hearts first because if the heart is changed, the behavior will follow. Know that you can only remind them and Allah is the One who can change their hearts. You shouldn't give up. Have hope.
Allah Almighty reminds us,
ٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّـهَ يُحْىِ ٱلْأَرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا ۚ قَدْ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ ٱلْـَٔايَـٰتِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ ﴿١٧[Qur'an, Al-Hadid 57:17]
Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its lifelessness. We have made clear to you the signs; perhaps you will understand. (17)
So now we may reflect: can the one who gives life back to the dead land not give life back to the dead heart?
The Prophet sallallahu alayhissallam went through 10 years of da'wah to really bad people of Makkah and within his lifetime these people, who were once great enemies of Islam, embraced Islam and became great companions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam and instrumental in the spread of Islam long after the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wassallam had passed away.
You may not see the benefit of your reminding, but there are definitely benefits. Don't worry about the results...do what you are supposed to do.
Allah Almighty says,
وَذَكِّرْ فَإِنَّ ٱلذِّكْرَىٰ تَنفَعُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٥٥[Qur'an, Adh-Dhariyat 51:55]
And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers. (55)
... لِذَٰلِكَ فَٱدْعُ ۖ وَٱسْتَقِمْ كَمَآ أُمِرْتَ ۖ وَلَا تَتَّبِعْ أَهْوَآءَهُمْ[Qur'an, Ash-Shura 42:11]
So to that [religion of Allah] invite, [O Muhammad], and remain on a right course as you are commanded and do not follow their inclinations ...
Remember, this Deen is only for those who humble themselves to Allah.
Ponder upon these verses:
وَمَا تَفَرَّقُوٓا۟ إِلَّا مِنۢ بَعْدِ مَا جَآءَهُمُ ٱلْعِلْمُ بَغْيًۢا بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ وَلَوْلَا كَلِمَةٌ سَبَقَتْ مِن رَّبِّكَ إِلَىٰٓ أَجَلٍ مُّسَمًّى لَّقُضِىَ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ أُورِثُوا۟ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مِنۢ بَعْدِهِمْ لَفِى شَكٍّۢ مِّنْهُ مُرِيبٍ ﴿١٤Qur'an Ash-Shura 42:14]
And they did not become divided until after knowledge had come to them - out of jealous animosity between themselves. And if not for a word that preceded from your Lord [postponing the penalty] until a specified time, it would have been concluded between them. And indeed, those who were granted inheritance of the Scripture after them are, concerning it, in disquieting doubt. (14)
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ ٱللَّـهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلْقَلْبِ لَٱنفَضُّوا۟ مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۖ فَٱعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَٱسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِى ٱلْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّـهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّـهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ ﴿١٥٩[Qur'an AleImran 3:159]
So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. (159)
May Allah make us of people of His remembrance and of those who put our trust in Him, grant us better company than ourselves that keep our ego in check, make us capable of taking advice and give advice to people around us sincerely for His sake, and forgive our shortcomings and make us of those whose hearts are being perpetually purified. Ameen.
Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakum Allahu khairan.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam
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