What Message Are You Giving To Your Children?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate
Assalaamu alaykum

Dear Friends

I pray that you are well.

Parents have to take an active role in raising children to be good Muslims. We can't leave this job on auto pilot. We don't live in the times of our parents or our grandparents where families were more connected and neighbors were more neighborly, and our parents could rely on society to keep our behavior in check -- uncles/aunties would make sure no kids are running around outside the masjid when adhan is called, etc. It is a different world now and quite scary. Everybody is too busy with their own lives or too afraid to say anything. Even teachers are afraid to give homework (for the benefit of the student), let alone discipline their students, for fear being dragged to court by parents.

We can't raise kids in the back burner, not in Muslim countries, not anywhere in the world. You are on your own at least for the time being. After the internet explosion, it is so easy to develop secret lives. We have to know our kids personally, what they like what they don't like, know each of their friends. We have to learn to adapt to this age and address the needs of our children accordingly. Families can't afford any sibling rivalries but older siblings should act like parents to their younger siblings and be their counselor.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) delivered his last sermon on the 9th Dhul-Hijjah, 10 A.H. at Arafah, during the Farewell Pilgrimage. It was repeated sentence by sentence by Safwan's brother Rabi'ah (may Allah be pleased with him), who had a powerful voice, at the request of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) and he faithfully proclaimed to over ten thousand gathered on the occasion. Toward the end of his sermon, the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) asked “O people, have I faithfully delivered unto you my message?" A powerful murmur of assent “O Allah, yes!", arose from thousands of pilgrims and the vibrant words “Allahumma na’m” rolled like thunder throughout the valley. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) raised his forefinger and said: “Be my witness O Allah, that I have conveyed your message to your people."

How about you? Have you delivered the message to your children? What message are you giving to your children?

We are all shepherds in various capacities. As shepherds, we can reach the highest rank with Allah. But we have to do our job in this life. We have to take this job of shepherding our flocks seriously.

As parents, we strive, we seek knowledge, we do our best, we make du'a, we forebear and exercise beautiful patience. How our children turn out to be is in the hands of Allah. If they turn out wonderful, that is the destiny of Allah and we thank Allah. If they turn out bad, that too is the destiny of Allah and we are patient. We don't despair.

But we must do our part and we struggle and keep struggling. We don't deafen our ears to the teachings of Islam and we don't blind our eyes to the disobedience of our children. If we do, we can't get comfort to our eyes (qurrata a'ayun) from our children.

Your children are chained to you. If they go down, they will drag you down with them.

وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَا ذُكِّرُوا۟ بِـَٔايَـٰتِ رَبِّهِمْ لَمْ يَخِرُّوا۟ عَلَيْهَا صُمًّا وَعُمْيَانًا ﴿٧٣﴾ وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا ﴿٧٤

And those who, when reminded of the verses of their Lord, do not fall upon them deaf and blind. (73) And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." (74)

[Qur'an, Al-Furqan 25:73-74]

We should be avid farmers of this world and constantly sow the seeds. If you plant the seeds of guidance in the hearts of your children, do you not think Allah is generous enough to allow those seeds to bear good fruit?

May Allah have mercy on us and our parents and grant us righteous children and offspring and make it easy for us and them to raise righteous children. Ameen.

Please don't forget us in your night prayers. Jazakallahu khairan.

And Allah knows best.
Wassalaam